Well life is getting shitty-good at the moment....my mom and dad are going through a horrible divorce, my family's falling apart, my grades suck, I think im in love and a BUNCH of other stuff.....It's like my mind can't decide how to feel. I know I should be sad or very angry over the divorce but I have no real feelings on it at this time. I should hate my dad for leaving us but, I just cant...I know I should, I know I need to, I just can't. I've seen my mom and my siblings go through so pain in the last 3 months....It makes me feel horrible.

I finally told him I'm done waiting.

I'm 32 and I have three children... I think that I deserve to be more to him than just a "girlfriend". The issue never would have become so big had he not promised a proposal.

When the semester is over, we'll talk about it further and see if wither of us feel any different.

I hope that we do, actually. I'd rather not leave him.

Either way... he'll always be my best friend... I think.

i'm currently broke. not saying that lightly. i'm going to do another post about that soon. but it's got me thinking about my priorities a lot for when i have cash again, because i'm usually an impulse buyer. here are some things i really, really need.

the three things i want most right now by eva-fate on Polyvore.com

alex bought me this dress for my last birthday. it's beautiful, (it looks a little less awesome in this picture but irl it looks similar to the baby jsk it's a replica of, and has shirring and some of those cross strap neck tie things lolita dresses sometimes have.) but it was kinda pricey so i'm trying to think of other ways i can wear it. already worn it with a white blouse, white tights, and black shoes, and with a black cardigan, and the bitching cameo my friend made me for christmas... (a black cameo on a white ribbon.)

posting this on polyvore, hoping to find some ideas.

i want to blog more, but it's almost kind of weird using a site where i can't control the way it looks, other people's entries are in with mine, and people i know actually read it. i know that sounds weird, but a lot of my blogging is the kind of highly personal stuff you write that you don't mind other people who are complete strangers reading, but that might offend people i know. especially since sometimes... you know, as a girl, i need to work things out by analyzing them.

Owning a hookah bar has been a dream of mine for a long time. I have recently found out that both the state and city anti-smoking laws may not apply to hookah bars. I am looking at one storefront property, it's 1,200 sq feet in the mall/bar area for $800 a month. It's a good size property and it would work great for a hookah bar. I know this is all a pipe dream and is unlikely to ever happen.

So yeah I am out of training and have been working in the Internet department for a couple of weeks now. I work with some pretty cool people and I find my job to be pretty fun. The pay isn't the best but it's enough. I get to chug Soda and eat popcorn while answering emails and if I get some new headphones I will get to listen to my mp3 player while I do it.

I have been wanting an android phone for a while. I also have been interested in getting a phone like Eva's LG Rumour. I like the nice big slide-out keyboard. Well yesterday I found out yesterday that on November 1st there is a phone that fits my wants coming out that will be on Sprint, which is the phone provider eva and I will be sharing. It also has a touch screen, I am pretty excited.

So yeah I'm back once again. Whenever I start a new project I sort of ignore my other ones for a bit, but OtakuBB.org is working well now so I am going to get back to posting here more often. So yeah my time with Americorps ended, I didn't get fired or anything my contract just ran up. I got a new job doing email customer support at Eastbay. I am still in training and things are going pretty well but I worry because Eastbay has a really high turnover rate. I may end up going back to school probably for business.