yesterday there was some guy hitting on me over im, doing quite well actually, until he brought out that word as a pet name... see you soon, princess. i tried to explain to him, that's not me, it can't be, and he insisted i would be his princess, so i won't be talking to him anymore.

After a little chat with myself and my cat Micheal I came to the decision that I need to change up my lifestyle a little bit...
There are some things i Want to do that I never wanted tried before Just to try it.. ^^
Like Wearing dresses, and Putting my hair up and possibly make up...
Basically I want to be a little more feminine or at least give it a shot...
I like gothic lolita styles and the punk lolitas are also interesting but I guess my masculine side of me wouldn't crumble because i was too proud of my masculine self and I'm not afraid to admit that...
Well, not anymore...

well, a lot has happened since that last post, which got carried away in my fears pouring out of me before i got to mention that the reason it was called "i want to be the girl with the most cake" is because i was feeling so low and then i walked by this store where they were putting a brand new cake printed sweet lolita dress in the window! i went in and tried it on and it fit and then i got asked to model it for an ad in the paper! there's a kind of magic to clothes. ever since i understood that my life has really changed in ways i can't describe.

This east coast person has seen enough of the west coast...
I believe it's time to head back...
I'm not sure if I'll be going to WI again or not but I know I'll be heading back...
Hopefully this coming Tuesday...

I had a pretty good experience here on the West coast..
Met new people..
Seen things I never saw before( like the ocean)...
Learned of new things (Example : It's Illegal to pump your own gas in one state ( at least as far as i know))...
and i even saw hollywood's night life...

i'm hungry, small, and waiting waiting oh so patiently waiting in my too much lipstick to try to apply for a job i don't really want at a mcdonald's resteraunt because something is still better than nothing, after all... i am reading the fairy tales at the end of the book crouched on something mechanical that pokes me through it's black leather covering and is meant to be a chair. snow white.

i really really need to conquer my internet addiction at least enough to walk out of the library, but i can't seem to do it.

i need to stop lying and saying things i don't agree with simply to win an arguement.

i need to learn to be my own dog and call myself off.

i need a big loan from the girl zone, all i seem to know anymore are boys since the cole went away. prince does not count as a girl friend, except when prince counts as a girlfriend to scare off creepy men. a girlfriend wouldn't be bad either, in a way. would complicate things though

So I was catching up on Ctrl+Alt+Del and I came across this. Is there something wrong with me that this makes me seriously depressed.

Click "Read More" to see the comics in question

So I have been seeing a bit of a transformation in myself to what I would call a bit of a Niichan (Japanese for big brother.) What I mean by this is that I have seen so much shit that girls in our society go through, that I have tried to be there for any girl that needed emotional support. In a way becoming a emotional Niichan for a couple of girls that I know. This support may come in the way of a hug, or just being willing to listen. Whatever it is I hope to be known as someone that is always there for any girl (or guy) that needs some emotional support.

people don't understand escapism. i don't do it as a refusal to live, i do it so that i can continue to live. i build little niches of my own and other people's fantasies because if i didn't i'd have no reason not to jump into the river and try and see if my body could float down to the missisipi and into the green waters where i swam as a child. my life sucks. everyone's life sucks. i do not deal with this by sharing my sorrow with others except as a last resort. that would be selfish. why should i make the people i love feel upset as well when i can make all of us feel better by making us all pay attention to something beautiful, fun, or funny for awhile? i cannot see that my life could ever be better because after my miserable job was over i went and put on normal, cheap, socially acceptable but utterly unthrilling clothing, pretended not to care that my hair was a mess and went to go share a drink with some stupid rednecks until their bad jokes became funny? instead, i dedicate my life to becoming as much like a dream as i can be... for two or three hours a day in a good week or the same amount per bad week, i can steal some moments from a perfect life, seeming to be someone from a story, and of course i'll grab that! why wouldn't i? i have chosen to live as ambassadrix to the dream world, and that ideal is worth the hardships of not always having money or the hassle of fixing my hair and putting on lipstick, of eating nothing but raumen noodles for a week. it's worth people laughing when i used antique but beautiful words. and you know what? when people stare at me, they aren't staring out of strangeness all the time. sometimes i see in their eyes that they want to know my secrets or at least to see what kind of underthings go with my strange clothing... you know the look i mean, i think. sometimes lust and sometimes covetousness.